How to Save a Marriage
You probably never thought it would happen, but you found yourself having an affair. You never meant for it to happen, but it did. And now you are wondering how to save a marriage after breaking your vows. You love your spouse and you know it is going to be devastating to her (or him). But many couples do get past this. And the first place to start is admitting to it. If you don’t and she finds out from someone else, it will definitely be much worse.
Before you do tell your spouse about the affair, you need to first be honest with yourself as to why it occurred. Sometimes the real reason isn’t so obvious. Your spouse is certainly going to want to know why, and part of knowing how to save a marriage is determining why you (and your marriage) were vulnerable in the first place.
When you talk to your spouse, the more prepared you are to truthfully answer this question of “why”, the more able you will be to address the underlying issues. If you don’t answer it honestly, or if your spouse senses in any way that you are not, then that will only make things worse. So really take the time to try to understand the real reasons first. Honesty and openness in this situation will go a long way when it comes to how to save a marriage.
Something else you need to consider before talking to your spouse, is that if you wait for the perfect time, it will never come. On the other hand, you also want to choose a time when she is not harried, or when you are not likely to be interrupted. Also, do not tell her when others are within ear shot. This is very inconsiderate and disrespectful, and definitely not a good plan with regards to how to save a marriage! Do this privately, when the two of you are alone.
When you do finally have this conversation, you need to be straightforward. And, if you really want to do what’s best in terms of how to save a marriage after this kind of betrayal, you need to take fully responsibility for your actions. Don’t in any way try to downplay just how serious an affair is. By owning up to what you did, you at least show that you care.
Last of all, when it comes to how to save a marriage, particularly after something as serious as an affair, you must make every effort to try to understand the impact this may have on your spouse. You have broken your vows and shattered trust. She is likely going to be angry and hurt for awhile, and may withdraw from you or even need some time apart from you. The more accepting and supportive you are of her needs, the better. You will need to show her that you are truly sorry in order to start rebuilding the relationship.
When it comes to how to save a marriage after an affair, there is no easy answer. But if you use the above as a guide, you at least have a chance. There will be much work ahead, but many marriages do survive, and some become stronger as a result.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Help Me Save My Marriage
Help Save My Marriage
If your spouse has done something which has left you feeling extremely betrayed or very hurt, and now your marriage is in crisis. Despite the hurt, you may be wondering to yourself, “Is there anything that can help save my marriage?” If you are feeling this way, you are definitely not alone. Many people struggle with that very thought every day.
In order to get your marriage back on track though, you must start with yourself. While you may very well have reason to feel angry or hurt, if you really want someone to respond to your plea to “help save my marriage”, you are going to have to look within. Because if you are like so many people, your reaction to your spouse’s behavior, whatever it was he or she did, can play a significant role in whether or not your marriage survives.
Following are three tips for what NOT to do if your marriage is in crisis and you want to save it:
“Help Save My Marriage” – Tip 1
Don’t play the victim. It’s really easy to get into victim-mode when your spouse has wronged you. Perhaps he gambled away some of your savings, or slept with another woman. Serious issues, yes. But acting like a victim or getting caught up in self pity will only make matters worse. Not only will it make you even less desirable to your spouse, you will lose his respect as well as the respect of others.
Instead, make the choice to be a survivor. What that means, is that you take responsibility for how you behave and react in response to whatever it is that happened. You can change what happened, but you do have a choice in how your handle it.
“Help Save My Marriage” – Tip 2
Don’t hold onto to your anger. If you truly want the chance for your relationship to heal, you must be willing to let go of your anger and find a way to forgive. It can be difficult, no doubt, but you really need to do it for you. Often people think that forgiveness is for the other person, but it is more for the person who is forgiving. Holding onto anger not only takes an incredible amount of energy, it also keeps you stuck.
Also, when you forgive your spouse it does not mean that you forget what happened nor does it mean you are indicating in any way that his or her behavior was acceptable. What it does mean is that you are willing to move forward and get past it. When you make this choice, it takes away the power the situation had over you. You will then be free to put your energy into repairing the relationship.
“Help Save My Marriage” – Tip 3
Don’t judge and condemn your spouse. When you have been deeply hurt or betrayed in your marriage it can be easy to take on a self-righteous stance and judge your partner harshly. What you need to remember is that we are all susceptible to doing things we never imagined if we are put in the right situation. For example, you might think “I would never cheat on my spouse”. But many people who do have affairs also truly believed they would never do that.
If you truly want the answer to your burning question, “Is there anything that can help save my marriage?” you really must avoid becoming judge and jury in the relationship. You have made mistakes too and the more you can try to understand your spouse’s feelings and behavior rather than condemn it, the better chance you have of healing your relationship and making it stronger than ever.
If your spouse has done something which has left you feeling extremely betrayed or very hurt, and now your marriage is in crisis. Despite the hurt, you may be wondering to yourself, “Is there anything that can help save my marriage?” If you are feeling this way, you are definitely not alone. Many people struggle with that very thought every day.
In order to get your marriage back on track though, you must start with yourself. While you may very well have reason to feel angry or hurt, if you really want someone to respond to your plea to “help save my marriage”, you are going to have to look within. Because if you are like so many people, your reaction to your spouse’s behavior, whatever it was he or she did, can play a significant role in whether or not your marriage survives.
Following are three tips for what NOT to do if your marriage is in crisis and you want to save it:
“Help Save My Marriage” – Tip 1
Don’t play the victim. It’s really easy to get into victim-mode when your spouse has wronged you. Perhaps he gambled away some of your savings, or slept with another woman. Serious issues, yes. But acting like a victim or getting caught up in self pity will only make matters worse. Not only will it make you even less desirable to your spouse, you will lose his respect as well as the respect of others.
Instead, make the choice to be a survivor. What that means, is that you take responsibility for how you behave and react in response to whatever it is that happened. You can change what happened, but you do have a choice in how your handle it.
“Help Save My Marriage” – Tip 2
Don’t hold onto to your anger. If you truly want the chance for your relationship to heal, you must be willing to let go of your anger and find a way to forgive. It can be difficult, no doubt, but you really need to do it for you. Often people think that forgiveness is for the other person, but it is more for the person who is forgiving. Holding onto anger not only takes an incredible amount of energy, it also keeps you stuck.
Also, when you forgive your spouse it does not mean that you forget what happened nor does it mean you are indicating in any way that his or her behavior was acceptable. What it does mean is that you are willing to move forward and get past it. When you make this choice, it takes away the power the situation had over you. You will then be free to put your energy into repairing the relationship.
“Help Save My Marriage” – Tip 3
Don’t judge and condemn your spouse. When you have been deeply hurt or betrayed in your marriage it can be easy to take on a self-righteous stance and judge your partner harshly. What you need to remember is that we are all susceptible to doing things we never imagined if we are put in the right situation. For example, you might think “I would never cheat on my spouse”. But many people who do have affairs also truly believed they would never do that.
If you truly want the answer to your burning question, “Is there anything that can help save my marriage?” you really must avoid becoming judge and jury in the relationship. You have made mistakes too and the more you can try to understand your spouse’s feelings and behavior rather than condemn it, the better chance you have of healing your relationship and making it stronger than ever.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Help for Your Marriage
Help for Marriage
Quite often when couples are seeking help for marriage, it is because their marriage is starting to crumble. It may be that one spouse has been unfaithful. It may also be because there has been a significant amount of conflict, often turning into awful fights. Other times it may be because you have slowly grown very distant from each other, and you know if something doesn’t change soon, the marriage is going to unravel altogether.
Fortunately, there is help for marriage if you are both willing to make the commitment to work through the problem, no matter what it is. This can feel impossible at times, particularly if there has been an affair or other type of betrayal. Hurt feelings can go very deep. And one of you may be more reluctant to try to work things out if trust has been damaged.
Many couples do get their marriages back on track, even under pretty challenging circumstances. Sometimes a crisis can be a much needed wake up call, making one or both of you recognize the necessity of getting help for marriage so you can heal the wounds. Quite often, if you can get through the process of healing, you will find that you are closer than ever before.
There are many ways you can show each other that you are truly serious and 100% devoted to making the marriage work. Following are just a few of the ways you can do this:
Make your marriage your number one priority.
Careers, children, volunteer work and other family are certainly all very important parts of each of your lives. But when you have reached a crisis point and need help for marriage, you must first be willing to put your marital relationship above everything else in your life.
All too often work and children get all your time and energy and there is simply nothing left for the marriage. Sadly, your children will suffer as a result. You owe it to them to have a happy, healthy marriage to make them feel secure and to give them good role models. And, the happier your marriage, the happier home life will be for your children.
Be open to marriage counseling if needed
Sometimes couples get stuck and simply can’t work it out without some outside help for marriage. While marital therapy isn’t right for everyone, it is definitely worth trying. A skilled marriage counselor can help you find ways to communicate better, break unhealthy patterns and develop new ones, and put things in a new perspective.
If your spouse feels a strong need for the two of you to get counseling, show your commitment by being willing to give it a try. If you are unwilling to go, that will likely convey that you aren’t truly committed to the marriage after all. Your spouse may feel resentment, and there will be even more problems in your relationship.
Make a commitment to focus on everything you love and appreciate about each other.
When you need help for marriage, remember the saying “what you focus on expands”. This is very true in relationships. If you focus on your spouse’s faults, you will end up bringing out the worst in him. If you want to bring out the best in someone, you must frequently show appreciation for the qualities you really value. In turn, your spouse will be more inclined to show those qualities more.
These are just three ways to show commitment to your marriage. While there are many more ways, these three will go along way when you need help for marriage. The more commitment each of you shows, the more motivated you will be to work together on your relationship.
Quite often when couples are seeking help for marriage, it is because their marriage is starting to crumble. It may be that one spouse has been unfaithful. It may also be because there has been a significant amount of conflict, often turning into awful fights. Other times it may be because you have slowly grown very distant from each other, and you know if something doesn’t change soon, the marriage is going to unravel altogether.
Fortunately, there is help for marriage if you are both willing to make the commitment to work through the problem, no matter what it is. This can feel impossible at times, particularly if there has been an affair or other type of betrayal. Hurt feelings can go very deep. And one of you may be more reluctant to try to work things out if trust has been damaged.
Many couples do get their marriages back on track, even under pretty challenging circumstances. Sometimes a crisis can be a much needed wake up call, making one or both of you recognize the necessity of getting help for marriage so you can heal the wounds. Quite often, if you can get through the process of healing, you will find that you are closer than ever before.
There are many ways you can show each other that you are truly serious and 100% devoted to making the marriage work. Following are just a few of the ways you can do this:
Make your marriage your number one priority.
Careers, children, volunteer work and other family are certainly all very important parts of each of your lives. But when you have reached a crisis point and need help for marriage, you must first be willing to put your marital relationship above everything else in your life.
All too often work and children get all your time and energy and there is simply nothing left for the marriage. Sadly, your children will suffer as a result. You owe it to them to have a happy, healthy marriage to make them feel secure and to give them good role models. And, the happier your marriage, the happier home life will be for your children.
Be open to marriage counseling if needed
Sometimes couples get stuck and simply can’t work it out without some outside help for marriage. While marital therapy isn’t right for everyone, it is definitely worth trying. A skilled marriage counselor can help you find ways to communicate better, break unhealthy patterns and develop new ones, and put things in a new perspective.
If your spouse feels a strong need for the two of you to get counseling, show your commitment by being willing to give it a try. If you are unwilling to go, that will likely convey that you aren’t truly committed to the marriage after all. Your spouse may feel resentment, and there will be even more problems in your relationship.
Make a commitment to focus on everything you love and appreciate about each other.
When you need help for marriage, remember the saying “what you focus on expands”. This is very true in relationships. If you focus on your spouse’s faults, you will end up bringing out the worst in him. If you want to bring out the best in someone, you must frequently show appreciation for the qualities you really value. In turn, your spouse will be more inclined to show those qualities more.
These are just three ways to show commitment to your marriage. While there are many more ways, these three will go along way when you need help for marriage. The more commitment each of you shows, the more motivated you will be to work together on your relationship.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Counseling for Marriage Can It Help?
Counseling for Marriage
Many couples reach a point in their marriage when they feel they are at an impasse. They may have tried to overcome a serious problem or crisis on their own, and realized over time that perhaps getting counseling for marriage problems they are experiencing is a better approach. And while counseling won’t help every marriage, it does help many couples every day. For some marriages, it has not only helped, it has kept the couple from ending up in divorce court.
So, how do you determine if marriage counseling is something you and your spouse should pursue? You may be thinking that there is no way you want to air your dirty laundry in front of a total stranger, no matter how difficult things are right now. You may also be feeling that counseling for marriage is far too expensive. This article will address these two frequent concerns and provide you with some things to consider if you are trying to decide whether to seek professional help for your situation.
I don’t want to talk to a stranger about our problems.
This is a common objection with which many people struggle when the idea of counseling for marriage is being considered. What you need to realize is that one of the reasons marital therapy can be very helpful is because the therapist, as a stranger, is in a neutral and objective position.
If you have tried to talk to or seek advice from family or friends, you have probably found that they are too close to the situation to be helpful. They may have an emotional bias which makes it difficult to keep perspective regarding your situation. This in turn will color any advice they may try to offer. In some cases, talking to family members or close friends can make the situation even worse.
This is one reason why counseling for marriage can be very helpful. Once you start developing a rapport with the therapist, you will likely appreciate how safe it actually feels to discuss your problems with someone who isn’t going to take sides and who can look at your situation from a fresh perspective.
Counseling is too expensive.
Therapy does cost money. You are paying for a highly trained professional to provide a valuable service. However, you need to consider how much more expensive getting a divorce will be. For the cost of a divorce, not to mention all the pain and grief that often accompany it, counseling for marriage is usually much less expensive – in fact, often by thousands of dollars. When you look at it like this you may reconsider the objection that you can’t afford it. And there may be some options if finances are truly an issue.
In many cities there are clinics which offer counseling services for a reduced fee either based on income qualifications, or because the therapists are graduate students under supervision. Also, you don’t necessarily have to go weekly. You may be able to go every other week, which will make counseling for marriage more affordable for you as you reduce the overall monthly cost by spreading the appointments out a bit.
Both of these objections to counseling for marriage are very common. You are not alone if they have crossed your mind. But if your marriage has reached a crisis point hopefully you will carefully weigh the alternatives if you do not get some help.
Many couples reach a point in their marriage when they feel they are at an impasse. They may have tried to overcome a serious problem or crisis on their own, and realized over time that perhaps getting counseling for marriage problems they are experiencing is a better approach. And while counseling won’t help every marriage, it does help many couples every day. For some marriages, it has not only helped, it has kept the couple from ending up in divorce court.
So, how do you determine if marriage counseling is something you and your spouse should pursue? You may be thinking that there is no way you want to air your dirty laundry in front of a total stranger, no matter how difficult things are right now. You may also be feeling that counseling for marriage is far too expensive. This article will address these two frequent concerns and provide you with some things to consider if you are trying to decide whether to seek professional help for your situation.
I don’t want to talk to a stranger about our problems.
This is a common objection with which many people struggle when the idea of counseling for marriage is being considered. What you need to realize is that one of the reasons marital therapy can be very helpful is because the therapist, as a stranger, is in a neutral and objective position.
If you have tried to talk to or seek advice from family or friends, you have probably found that they are too close to the situation to be helpful. They may have an emotional bias which makes it difficult to keep perspective regarding your situation. This in turn will color any advice they may try to offer. In some cases, talking to family members or close friends can make the situation even worse.
This is one reason why counseling for marriage can be very helpful. Once you start developing a rapport with the therapist, you will likely appreciate how safe it actually feels to discuss your problems with someone who isn’t going to take sides and who can look at your situation from a fresh perspective.
Counseling is too expensive.
Therapy does cost money. You are paying for a highly trained professional to provide a valuable service. However, you need to consider how much more expensive getting a divorce will be. For the cost of a divorce, not to mention all the pain and grief that often accompany it, counseling for marriage is usually much less expensive – in fact, often by thousands of dollars. When you look at it like this you may reconsider the objection that you can’t afford it. And there may be some options if finances are truly an issue.
In many cities there are clinics which offer counseling services for a reduced fee either based on income qualifications, or because the therapists are graduate students under supervision. Also, you don’t necessarily have to go weekly. You may be able to go every other week, which will make counseling for marriage more affordable for you as you reduce the overall monthly cost by spreading the appointments out a bit.
Both of these objections to counseling for marriage are very common. You are not alone if they have crossed your mind. But if your marriage has reached a crisis point hopefully you will carefully weigh the alternatives if you do not get some help.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Does Marriage Counseling Really Work?
Does Marriage Counseling Work
If you and your spouse are going through a difficult time in your marriage, you may be considering marital therapy. But you also may be reluctant to pursue it if you are wondering, does marriage counseling work? Well, there is no definitive answer to that as the success of any type of counseling always depends on many different factors. Many couples do find it to be extremely beneficial to their relationship. Others feel it was useless or helped very little. This article explores some of the factors that are necessary to answer “yes” to the question, “Does marriage counseling work?”.
You both are committed to working on the relationship
An essential factor for any type of therapy or counseling to be effective is that the person receiving it must be committed to the process and to improving the situation. For couples, if only one of you is committed to working through your relationship problems while the other is resistant, the answer to the question, “does marriage counseling work?” is more than likely going to be “no”.
Counseling is a collaborative process between the client and the therapist. The greatest marriage counselor on the planet is going to have limited success with someone who has no desire to truly work on the relationship. It has to be a two way street. Sometimes resistance to the therapy process can be overcome, particularly with an exceptionally experienced and skilled therapist, but it will be very difficult.
You have a counselor with whom you both feel comfortable
Another key factor with regards to the question, “does marriage counseling work?” is whether or not you have a counselor with whom you both feel comfortable. No therapist is a good fit for everyone. If this is the case, you and your spouse would be better off to find a different therapist to work with. Too much is at stake to try to force a therapeutic relationship that doesn’t feel right for both of you.
You are both willing to do the work
Talking in and of itself will only go so far in terms of bringing about the desired changes in your relationship. While it can be helpful to have a safe place to discuss your feelings and concerns, there needs to be more. Many therapists will give you exercises or homework to do between sessions. These exercises help to reinforce what you are learning in therapy and give you an opportunity to practice new skills which you can discuss each week. The more you and your spouse participate and do the work, the more likely the answer to your question, “does marriage counseling work?” will be yes.
Sticking with it and tolerating the pain
Two other very crucial elements in terms of the question, “does marriage counseling work” are:
• You stick with it
• You are willing to tolerate things getting worse before they get better
A lot of people drop out of counseling at some point. They get discouraged or don’t like the process and assume the answer to, “does marriage counseling work?” is “no”.
One of the main reasons people drop out is because things often get worse before they improve. A good therapist will prepare you for this upfront. Marriage counseling is going to open up some wounds and address some painful issues. Initially, that can seem to create even more pain. But it is akin to the necessity of cleaning out an infected wound so it can finally heal. The cleaning process is painful, but it must happen or the wound will never go away.
If each of these factors is present for you and your spouse, then the answer to the question, “does marriage counseling work?”, is very often a resounding yes. It is not going to be easy, and it may be a lengthy process. But if you really want your marriage to be healthy and strong, the rewards are definitely worth it!
If you and your spouse are going through a difficult time in your marriage, you may be considering marital therapy. But you also may be reluctant to pursue it if you are wondering, does marriage counseling work? Well, there is no definitive answer to that as the success of any type of counseling always depends on many different factors. Many couples do find it to be extremely beneficial to their relationship. Others feel it was useless or helped very little. This article explores some of the factors that are necessary to answer “yes” to the question, “Does marriage counseling work?”.
You both are committed to working on the relationship
An essential factor for any type of therapy or counseling to be effective is that the person receiving it must be committed to the process and to improving the situation. For couples, if only one of you is committed to working through your relationship problems while the other is resistant, the answer to the question, “does marriage counseling work?” is more than likely going to be “no”.
Counseling is a collaborative process between the client and the therapist. The greatest marriage counselor on the planet is going to have limited success with someone who has no desire to truly work on the relationship. It has to be a two way street. Sometimes resistance to the therapy process can be overcome, particularly with an exceptionally experienced and skilled therapist, but it will be very difficult.
You have a counselor with whom you both feel comfortable
Another key factor with regards to the question, “does marriage counseling work?” is whether or not you have a counselor with whom you both feel comfortable. No therapist is a good fit for everyone. If this is the case, you and your spouse would be better off to find a different therapist to work with. Too much is at stake to try to force a therapeutic relationship that doesn’t feel right for both of you.
You are both willing to do the work
Talking in and of itself will only go so far in terms of bringing about the desired changes in your relationship. While it can be helpful to have a safe place to discuss your feelings and concerns, there needs to be more. Many therapists will give you exercises or homework to do between sessions. These exercises help to reinforce what you are learning in therapy and give you an opportunity to practice new skills which you can discuss each week. The more you and your spouse participate and do the work, the more likely the answer to your question, “does marriage counseling work?” will be yes.
Sticking with it and tolerating the pain
Two other very crucial elements in terms of the question, “does marriage counseling work” are:
• You stick with it
• You are willing to tolerate things getting worse before they get better
A lot of people drop out of counseling at some point. They get discouraged or don’t like the process and assume the answer to, “does marriage counseling work?” is “no”.
One of the main reasons people drop out is because things often get worse before they improve. A good therapist will prepare you for this upfront. Marriage counseling is going to open up some wounds and address some painful issues. Initially, that can seem to create even more pain. But it is akin to the necessity of cleaning out an infected wound so it can finally heal. The cleaning process is painful, but it must happen or the wound will never go away.
If each of these factors is present for you and your spouse, then the answer to the question, “does marriage counseling work?”, is very often a resounding yes. It is not going to be easy, and it may be a lengthy process. But if you really want your marriage to be healthy and strong, the rewards are definitely worth it!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Common Marriage Problems You Can Fix
Common Marriage Problems
For many couples, there are common marriage problems which often start to creep into the relationship over time. If you are feeling that your marriage isn’t what it should be, or what you thought it would be when you first walked down the aisle, you are not alone. Millions of couples grapple with relationship issues, often feeling that the problems are unique to their relationship. This can lead to feelings of embarrassment and / or loneliness, when it doesn’t need to.
So let’s take a look at three common marriage problems which many couples find themselves facing. All of these can start out seeming fairly minor, but if they continue over a long time and aren’t dealt with, they can have a very negative impact on a marriage.
Feeling like you have “fallen out of love” with each other
When you were first dating your spouse, and probably even when you stood in front of your family and friends and said your vows, you felt “head over heels in love” with each other. For most couples, that giddy feeling doesn’t last over the years. In fact, for many, once the reality of day to day married life sinks in it starts to fade. Your lives become one of routine, which is perfectly normal. The demands of your work or careers, children and mortgages can take up all of your time and energy. And if you are like some couples, you basically start living like roommates and nothing more. While that scenario is fairly common, marriage problems like this can eventually lead to an affair or a divorce.
Taking each other for granted
Another one of the most common marriage problems is that many couples start taking each other for granted. To some degree, it is human nature to take for granted that which is always there. But in relationships, this can lead to a slow, simmering resentment for one or both of you. Everyone longs to feel loved, cherished, and appreciated. After all, that was a big part of the reason you got married in the first place. No one feels loved when they are taken for granted. When it reaches the point of devaluing each other and failing to regard the relationship as sacred or special, it can be very damaging. Sadly, what often happens is that you don’t even realize just how serious it is until the other person is gone.
Failure to really talk to each other
Poor communication or the failure to really talk to each other is probably one of the most common marriage problems many couples face. Learning to communicate well is a skill many people lack. Others have the skill and may be great communicators in their career, but struggle with communicating with their spouse. This is particularly true if one or both of you grew up in a home where poor communication was the norm. You talk superficially but avoid discussing problems or issues as they arise. Some people just find it easier to avoid any conflict. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work and in time will take a toll on your relationship if something doesn’t change.
If you and your spouse are struggling with any one of these common marriage problems, there is hope. The first step is always acknowledging the problem. The sooner you recognize the problem and take action though, the better!
For many couples, there are common marriage problems which often start to creep into the relationship over time. If you are feeling that your marriage isn’t what it should be, or what you thought it would be when you first walked down the aisle, you are not alone. Millions of couples grapple with relationship issues, often feeling that the problems are unique to their relationship. This can lead to feelings of embarrassment and / or loneliness, when it doesn’t need to.
So let’s take a look at three common marriage problems which many couples find themselves facing. All of these can start out seeming fairly minor, but if they continue over a long time and aren’t dealt with, they can have a very negative impact on a marriage.
Feeling like you have “fallen out of love” with each other
When you were first dating your spouse, and probably even when you stood in front of your family and friends and said your vows, you felt “head over heels in love” with each other. For most couples, that giddy feeling doesn’t last over the years. In fact, for many, once the reality of day to day married life sinks in it starts to fade. Your lives become one of routine, which is perfectly normal. The demands of your work or careers, children and mortgages can take up all of your time and energy. And if you are like some couples, you basically start living like roommates and nothing more. While that scenario is fairly common, marriage problems like this can eventually lead to an affair or a divorce.
Taking each other for granted
Another one of the most common marriage problems is that many couples start taking each other for granted. To some degree, it is human nature to take for granted that which is always there. But in relationships, this can lead to a slow, simmering resentment for one or both of you. Everyone longs to feel loved, cherished, and appreciated. After all, that was a big part of the reason you got married in the first place. No one feels loved when they are taken for granted. When it reaches the point of devaluing each other and failing to regard the relationship as sacred or special, it can be very damaging. Sadly, what often happens is that you don’t even realize just how serious it is until the other person is gone.
Failure to really talk to each other
Poor communication or the failure to really talk to each other is probably one of the most common marriage problems many couples face. Learning to communicate well is a skill many people lack. Others have the skill and may be great communicators in their career, but struggle with communicating with their spouse. This is particularly true if one or both of you grew up in a home where poor communication was the norm. You talk superficially but avoid discussing problems or issues as they arise. Some people just find it easier to avoid any conflict. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work and in time will take a toll on your relationship if something doesn’t change.
If you and your spouse are struggling with any one of these common marriage problems, there is hope. The first step is always acknowledging the problem. The sooner you recognize the problem and take action though, the better!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Marriage in Crisis
Marriage in Crisis
You probably never thought it would happen to you, but suddenly you find your marriage in crisis. You and your spouse are fighting a lot, or one of you has been unfaithful, or perhaps you have just simply grown distant over the years. Regardless of the reason, you may be trying to decide what your options are. You may be anxious, scared, angry, hurt or just feeling very alone. So let’s look at some options if when your marriage in crisis feels a bit overwhelming.
Take some time apart
For some people, when they are experiencing marriage problems, taking some time apart can give them an opportunity to gain much needed perspective. When you are right in the thick of an emotionally charged situation, you may be too close to things to come up with effective solutions. A brief separation can be beneficial in order to get your bearings and think through the best way to handle your marriage in crisis.
Also, during this time apart you can determine if you really want to stay in your marriage or not. This is a very difficult decision for many people and should not be made without a lot of thought. Taking time apart can give you the space your need to think it through without the day to day pressures at home which often accompany a marriage in crisis.
Get into therapy
Going to a therapist can be very helpful when a marriage in crisis is turning your life upside down. Therapy will not only provide you with a safe place to talk openly and freely, it will provide you an opportunity to problem solve with someone who is neutral and objective with regards to your situation. Family and friends may be willing to listen and give advice, but usually they will be biased in one way or the other, and won’t be objective like a therapist.
Put your cards on the table with your spouse
Often when a marriage has reached a crisis point, one or both partners is unable or unwilling to take the risk of saying what they really want and feel. Instead you are often both guarded or defensive as you try to navigate your way through what feels like an emotional minefield. But if one of you takes the risk of truly putting your cards on the table, it may be the catalyst for much needed open conversations. That being said, it may backfire also, and that is what makes it particularly uncomfortable for most people. Only you can decide if the risk is worth it, and how you think your partner may respond if you try.
File for divorce
Another option when experiencing a marriage in crisis is to throw in the towel and file for divorce. If the crisis has been going on for a long time and shows little hope for resolution, this may be the best option. Only you can decide if this is the best route for you. But it definitely should not be done hastily, as the emotional and financial cost of divorce is often very high.
Determine what changes you can make to improve your marriage
With a marriage in crisis the only person you can change is you. You can’t change your spouse even though you may feel that is the best solution! But the person you can change is you. Marriage problems are rarely, if ever, due to one person. It takes two to tango and two to create problems. If you start making some positive changes your spouse will inevitably have to make some changes also. Your spouse may not change as you would like, but if you make positive changes you can hold your head high knowing that you did, and leave the marriage with more dignity if it still doesn’t work out in the end.
Only you can decide the best choice for you when a marriage in crisis is taking a toll on your emotional well being. Consider these options and trust your heart. And know that many couples do find a way to get back on track. Hopefully you will too!
You probably never thought it would happen to you, but suddenly you find your marriage in crisis. You and your spouse are fighting a lot, or one of you has been unfaithful, or perhaps you have just simply grown distant over the years. Regardless of the reason, you may be trying to decide what your options are. You may be anxious, scared, angry, hurt or just feeling very alone. So let’s look at some options if when your marriage in crisis feels a bit overwhelming.
Take some time apart
For some people, when they are experiencing marriage problems, taking some time apart can give them an opportunity to gain much needed perspective. When you are right in the thick of an emotionally charged situation, you may be too close to things to come up with effective solutions. A brief separation can be beneficial in order to get your bearings and think through the best way to handle your marriage in crisis.
Also, during this time apart you can determine if you really want to stay in your marriage or not. This is a very difficult decision for many people and should not be made without a lot of thought. Taking time apart can give you the space your need to think it through without the day to day pressures at home which often accompany a marriage in crisis.
Get into therapy
Going to a therapist can be very helpful when a marriage in crisis is turning your life upside down. Therapy will not only provide you with a safe place to talk openly and freely, it will provide you an opportunity to problem solve with someone who is neutral and objective with regards to your situation. Family and friends may be willing to listen and give advice, but usually they will be biased in one way or the other, and won’t be objective like a therapist.
Put your cards on the table with your spouse
Often when a marriage has reached a crisis point, one or both partners is unable or unwilling to take the risk of saying what they really want and feel. Instead you are often both guarded or defensive as you try to navigate your way through what feels like an emotional minefield. But if one of you takes the risk of truly putting your cards on the table, it may be the catalyst for much needed open conversations. That being said, it may backfire also, and that is what makes it particularly uncomfortable for most people. Only you can decide if the risk is worth it, and how you think your partner may respond if you try.
File for divorce
Another option when experiencing a marriage in crisis is to throw in the towel and file for divorce. If the crisis has been going on for a long time and shows little hope for resolution, this may be the best option. Only you can decide if this is the best route for you. But it definitely should not be done hastily, as the emotional and financial cost of divorce is often very high.
Determine what changes you can make to improve your marriage
With a marriage in crisis the only person you can change is you. You can’t change your spouse even though you may feel that is the best solution! But the person you can change is you. Marriage problems are rarely, if ever, due to one person. It takes two to tango and two to create problems. If you start making some positive changes your spouse will inevitably have to make some changes also. Your spouse may not change as you would like, but if you make positive changes you can hold your head high knowing that you did, and leave the marriage with more dignity if it still doesn’t work out in the end.
Only you can decide the best choice for you when a marriage in crisis is taking a toll on your emotional well being. Consider these options and trust your heart. And know that many couples do find a way to get back on track. Hopefully you will too!
How to Save Your Marriage
How to Save Your Marriage
Marriage can be full of joy, but it can also be full of pain. For some couples, it seems the joy has been gone for so long that it is impossible to ever get it back. But it doesn’t have to be that way. When it comes to how to save your marriage, there are a lot of things you can do to start getting your relationship back on track. But you must be willing to look at yourself and make the necessary changes. Change isn’t easy, but if how to save your marriage is really a priority for you, then keep reading.
What are you bringing to the relationship?
One of the first things you need to do when it comes to how to save your marriage is to sit down and make a list of what you are actually contributing to the relationship. This is not a list for things like making money to pay the mortgage, or cleaning the house, or doing the grocery shopping.
Rather, in what ways are you making the relationship good or bad? Are you constantly nit-picking at your spouse’s short-comings? Do you express heartfelt appreciation frequently that your spouse is in your life, or for the wonderful things your spouse does for you? Are you supportive? Do you listen when your partner needs to talk about something that is bothering him or her? Are you loving and affectionate?
Your marriage is like a bank account. You are either making deposits into it or withdrawing from the account. If you are mostly making withdrawals, the bank account will eventually run dry. You must be making plenty of deposits also if you learning how to save your marriage is important to you.
Is your marriage a two-way street, or must everything always be on your terms?
Some people don’t know how to be in a relationship without trying to control it. If you are the type of person who has to have everything happen on your terms, then you are not only being incredibly selfish, you are also treating your spouse with disrespect. And maybe your spouse has put up with it for a long time, but if how to save your marriage is a concern for you, chances are it is because your spouse has had enough.
A marriage is meant to be a partnership, not a dictatorship in which one person calls all the shots and expects the other to “obey”. Attempting to control your spouse will usually foster resentment. Your spouse is a separate human being whose wants and needs may not always coincide with yours. Compromise is essential to a good marriage. Honoring and respecting his or her feelings, wants and needs instead will go a long way towards creating a healthier, more loving relationship.
Are you being passive-aggressive in your marriage?
While controlling behavior is very destructive to a relationship, passive-aggressive behavior is as well. Passive-aggressive individuals attempt to get their needs met in very unhealthy ways. Rather than speaking up and expressing their true needs or feelings, they say one thing and then act in a way which subtly or not so subtly contradicts it, usually in an attempt to get back at the other person.
For example, a passive-aggressive wife may tell her husband its fine if he wants to spend the day golfing with his friends. However, in actuality she is not happy about it all and decides to get back at him by “accidentally” putting a new red shirt in the wash with his underwear as she does laundry that day. Needless to say, this is also destructive to a marriage and defeats the goal of how to save a marriage.
These are just a few questions to ask yourself if you are worried about your marriage. The only person you can change is yourself, so if you are wondering how to save a marriage, you must start with making changes in how you interact with your spouse. As you make positive changes, you will likely find that your spouse does also.
Marriage can be full of joy, but it can also be full of pain. For some couples, it seems the joy has been gone for so long that it is impossible to ever get it back. But it doesn’t have to be that way. When it comes to how to save your marriage, there are a lot of things you can do to start getting your relationship back on track. But you must be willing to look at yourself and make the necessary changes. Change isn’t easy, but if how to save your marriage is really a priority for you, then keep reading.
What are you bringing to the relationship?
One of the first things you need to do when it comes to how to save your marriage is to sit down and make a list of what you are actually contributing to the relationship. This is not a list for things like making money to pay the mortgage, or cleaning the house, or doing the grocery shopping.
Rather, in what ways are you making the relationship good or bad? Are you constantly nit-picking at your spouse’s short-comings? Do you express heartfelt appreciation frequently that your spouse is in your life, or for the wonderful things your spouse does for you? Are you supportive? Do you listen when your partner needs to talk about something that is bothering him or her? Are you loving and affectionate?
Your marriage is like a bank account. You are either making deposits into it or withdrawing from the account. If you are mostly making withdrawals, the bank account will eventually run dry. You must be making plenty of deposits also if you learning how to save your marriage is important to you.
Is your marriage a two-way street, or must everything always be on your terms?
Some people don’t know how to be in a relationship without trying to control it. If you are the type of person who has to have everything happen on your terms, then you are not only being incredibly selfish, you are also treating your spouse with disrespect. And maybe your spouse has put up with it for a long time, but if how to save your marriage is a concern for you, chances are it is because your spouse has had enough.
A marriage is meant to be a partnership, not a dictatorship in which one person calls all the shots and expects the other to “obey”. Attempting to control your spouse will usually foster resentment. Your spouse is a separate human being whose wants and needs may not always coincide with yours. Compromise is essential to a good marriage. Honoring and respecting his or her feelings, wants and needs instead will go a long way towards creating a healthier, more loving relationship.
Are you being passive-aggressive in your marriage?
While controlling behavior is very destructive to a relationship, passive-aggressive behavior is as well. Passive-aggressive individuals attempt to get their needs met in very unhealthy ways. Rather than speaking up and expressing their true needs or feelings, they say one thing and then act in a way which subtly or not so subtly contradicts it, usually in an attempt to get back at the other person.
For example, a passive-aggressive wife may tell her husband its fine if he wants to spend the day golfing with his friends. However, in actuality she is not happy about it all and decides to get back at him by “accidentally” putting a new red shirt in the wash with his underwear as she does laundry that day. Needless to say, this is also destructive to a marriage and defeats the goal of how to save a marriage.
These are just a few questions to ask yourself if you are worried about your marriage. The only person you can change is yourself, so if you are wondering how to save a marriage, you must start with making changes in how you interact with your spouse. As you make positive changes, you will likely find that your spouse does also.
Christian Marriage Counseling for You
Christian Marriage Counseling
If you and your spouse are going through a difficult time, you may find that marriage therapy can be very beneficial. And if you and your spouse have a strong Christian faith, you may prefer to seek out Christian marriage counseling. Working with a counselor who approaches therapy from a theoretical perspective which aligns with your personal faith will prevent some of the clashes which may occur if you attempt to work with a secular therapist with a very different approach.
In order to find someone who specializes in Christian marriage counseling, you may want to consult with your pastor or other people in your church. You may also look in your local yellow pages or do a search online. If you search online, you can search for the terms “Christian marriage counseling”, “Christian marriage therapy” and that can help you get started. If you add the name of your city or county you will narrow down your search to someone in your proximity.
Once you have come up with a few potential therapists, you may want to try to find out a little information about them. For example, what are their credentials? Are they licensed? How long have they been practicing? You also may want to give them a call and see if you can find out a little information over the phone before committing to an appointment.
For example, you may want to ask them how much of their approach is based on Biblical principles. This can vary greatly when it comes to Christian marriage counseling. If you want someone who is going to use the Bible and prayer in the counseling session, you may want to inquire about that. Of course, this will depend on your personal preference.
If you can talk briefly by phone with two or three different therapists, you may get a better initial sense of whether or not this is someone with whom you want to set up an appointment. If the phone conversation doesn’t feel quite right, trust your instincts and move on to the next one.
In order for Christian marriage counseling to be truly beneficial to you and your spouse, it is particularly important that both of you feel comfortable with the counselor. If you meet for a session and one of you doesn’t care for the counselor, you may find the process very challenging if you continue to see this person.
Once you find someone who is a good fit for both of you, determine a schedule that will work for everyone. Having a therapy session early in the morning before work or mid-day is often not a good idea. Counseling can tap into some difficult emotions so it is best to choose a time of day when neither of you has other obligations immediately following the sessions.
As you begin the process of Christian marriage counseling, be sure that the counselor sets clear ground rules with regards to how the sessions will be handled, how long they will last, how emergencies will be handled, what to do if you need to cancel, and confidentiality issues. Also, be sure that you discuss your goals with the therapist so that everyone is on the same page with regards to what they want Christian marriage counseling to accomplish.
After you have done all this, approach the process with an open mind and the willingness to be ready to make some changes. Marriage therapy can be very beneficial, but you must be willing to do the work. In time, you may find that your marriage is back on track and stronger than ever!
If you and your spouse are going through a difficult time, you may find that marriage therapy can be very beneficial. And if you and your spouse have a strong Christian faith, you may prefer to seek out Christian marriage counseling. Working with a counselor who approaches therapy from a theoretical perspective which aligns with your personal faith will prevent some of the clashes which may occur if you attempt to work with a secular therapist with a very different approach.
In order to find someone who specializes in Christian marriage counseling, you may want to consult with your pastor or other people in your church. You may also look in your local yellow pages or do a search online. If you search online, you can search for the terms “Christian marriage counseling”, “Christian marriage therapy” and that can help you get started. If you add the name of your city or county you will narrow down your search to someone in your proximity.
Once you have come up with a few potential therapists, you may want to try to find out a little information about them. For example, what are their credentials? Are they licensed? How long have they been practicing? You also may want to give them a call and see if you can find out a little information over the phone before committing to an appointment.
For example, you may want to ask them how much of their approach is based on Biblical principles. This can vary greatly when it comes to Christian marriage counseling. If you want someone who is going to use the Bible and prayer in the counseling session, you may want to inquire about that. Of course, this will depend on your personal preference.
If you can talk briefly by phone with two or three different therapists, you may get a better initial sense of whether or not this is someone with whom you want to set up an appointment. If the phone conversation doesn’t feel quite right, trust your instincts and move on to the next one.
In order for Christian marriage counseling to be truly beneficial to you and your spouse, it is particularly important that both of you feel comfortable with the counselor. If you meet for a session and one of you doesn’t care for the counselor, you may find the process very challenging if you continue to see this person.
Once you find someone who is a good fit for both of you, determine a schedule that will work for everyone. Having a therapy session early in the morning before work or mid-day is often not a good idea. Counseling can tap into some difficult emotions so it is best to choose a time of day when neither of you has other obligations immediately following the sessions.
As you begin the process of Christian marriage counseling, be sure that the counselor sets clear ground rules with regards to how the sessions will be handled, how long they will last, how emergencies will be handled, what to do if you need to cancel, and confidentiality issues. Also, be sure that you discuss your goals with the therapist so that everyone is on the same page with regards to what they want Christian marriage counseling to accomplish.
After you have done all this, approach the process with an open mind and the willingness to be ready to make some changes. Marriage therapy can be very beneficial, but you must be willing to do the work. In time, you may find that your marriage is back on track and stronger than ever!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Ex Boyfriend To Get Back Tke A Look At These 5 Simple Tips
Ex Boyfriend To Get Back Read 5 Simple Tips
It is not easy for you and your ex boyfriend to get back after a breakup. However, there are a few tips that you can follow to have him back again. So many people don’t succeed in winning their ex back. It's not really our fault. No one ever handed us an instruction book when we first started dating that taught us how to handle a breakup. Much less, how to get someone back after a breakup.. If you want your ex boyfriend back then these 5 simple steps should help achieve your goal:
1.The first tip which will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back is to get your head straight. You need to get rid of the negative thoughts. You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have to be willing to be strong.
Don't let your emotion and especially depression keep you down. You can't achieve a goal, if you can't keep your emotions in check and your mind clear. Negative thoughts are destructive behavior.
2.Accept that the relationship in its prior form is over. All the wishing in the world isn't going to allow you to go back in time and change the way things happened. You can't let your mind keep wandering into the past.
Focus on what is going on now. If you realize that the relationship of the past wasn't perfect you're heading in the right direction and laying the foundation for you and your ex boyfriend to get back. Remember you are most likely glossing over all the bad stuff that happened. Think about this; the relationship didn't get broke in a day. Don't expect to be able to fix it in a day either.
3.Don't pester your ex boyfriend. Guys just don't like it when girls become obsessive about them. Especially ex boyfriends. You may want to seek comfort by hearing his voice or seeing his face, but if you really want him back, you must back off for a while. Don't continuously call him, text message him, email him, or go to his place or where he hangs out just to see him. Give him time to realize he may have made a mistake. He may begin to actually miss you. If you blow it, you may have a tougher time getting him back.
4.Become an object of desire. If you can, get some new makeup. Get some new clothes. Get a new hairstyle. If you've picked up a few pounds, start exercising and eating healthy. When you look good on the outside, you're going to start feeling better about yourself on the inside. By feeling good on the inside you will be confident and happy. When you're confident and happy, you will project this image to others. You will become an object of desire to men. This includes your ex boyfriend.
5.Take it slow. If you followed steps 1-4 your ex boyfriend at some point will probably get in touch with you. Imagine his surprise when he sees the “new” you from step 4. He will probably be sorry that he broke up with you. Keep your physical contact with him to a minimum, if you do see him.
Seeing you looking your best and seeing that you've become confident and happy will make him desire you. If you limit your physical contact with him, this will drive him crazy. It will probably help to ensure that you don't just jump back into a relationship only to breakup a short time later.
These tips may not be easy for you to do at first. You may want to give in and call him or see him, but you have to resist the temptation. These tips will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back after a breakup.
It is not easy for you and your ex boyfriend to get back after a breakup. However, there are a few tips that you can follow to have him back again. So many people don’t succeed in winning their ex back. It's not really our fault. No one ever handed us an instruction book when we first started dating that taught us how to handle a breakup. Much less, how to get someone back after a breakup.. If you want your ex boyfriend back then these 5 simple steps should help achieve your goal:
1.The first tip which will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back is to get your head straight. You need to get rid of the negative thoughts. You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have to be willing to be strong.
Don't let your emotion and especially depression keep you down. You can't achieve a goal, if you can't keep your emotions in check and your mind clear. Negative thoughts are destructive behavior.
2.Accept that the relationship in its prior form is over. All the wishing in the world isn't going to allow you to go back in time and change the way things happened. You can't let your mind keep wandering into the past.
Focus on what is going on now. If you realize that the relationship of the past wasn't perfect you're heading in the right direction and laying the foundation for you and your ex boyfriend to get back. Remember you are most likely glossing over all the bad stuff that happened. Think about this; the relationship didn't get broke in a day. Don't expect to be able to fix it in a day either.
3.Don't pester your ex boyfriend. Guys just don't like it when girls become obsessive about them. Especially ex boyfriends. You may want to seek comfort by hearing his voice or seeing his face, but if you really want him back, you must back off for a while. Don't continuously call him, text message him, email him, or go to his place or where he hangs out just to see him. Give him time to realize he may have made a mistake. He may begin to actually miss you. If you blow it, you may have a tougher time getting him back.
4.Become an object of desire. If you can, get some new makeup. Get some new clothes. Get a new hairstyle. If you've picked up a few pounds, start exercising and eating healthy. When you look good on the outside, you're going to start feeling better about yourself on the inside. By feeling good on the inside you will be confident and happy. When you're confident and happy, you will project this image to others. You will become an object of desire to men. This includes your ex boyfriend.
5.Take it slow. If you followed steps 1-4 your ex boyfriend at some point will probably get in touch with you. Imagine his surprise when he sees the “new” you from step 4. He will probably be sorry that he broke up with you. Keep your physical contact with him to a minimum, if you do see him.
Seeing you looking your best and seeing that you've become confident and happy will make him desire you. If you limit your physical contact with him, this will drive him crazy. It will probably help to ensure that you don't just jump back into a relationship only to breakup a short time later.
These tips may not be easy for you to do at first. You may want to give in and call him or see him, but you have to resist the temptation. These tips will help you and your ex boyfriend to get back after a breakup.
Friday, February 12, 2010
To Win Ex Boyfriend Back
To Win Ex Boyfriend Back You Might Need To Work On Yourself
So you've just heard through friends that your ex boyfriend, who you've never really got over, is dating someone else and hearing it cuts deep. Your first thought is that you must win ex boyfriend back before he gets too serious with this other girl.
Well take it easy and don't go rushing head long into this, what you have on your side that the current girlfriend does not have is history! In your effort to win ex boyfriend back remember, history can sometimes over ride everything else and take precedence.
Now think about that history, those good times with your ex boyfriend. How good were they really, because clearly something went terribly wrong. With time we often slide on the old rose colored spectacles. So be sure that your memories are grounded in reality and not fantasy.
If you're not sure, before you go full on trying to win ex boyfriend back, ask a good friend who will tell you the truth and not only what you want to hear. Weigh up what your friend says and what you honestly know and feel and then make your decision about what you want to do.
If what you discover is that certain aspects of your behavior were primarily to blame for the break down in your ex relationship, then you need to find ways of amending that behavior. There's no point in trying to get back together with your ex if the reason he left you is still staring you both in the face. So deal with what needs to be dealt with on your part before you make any real attempt at reconciliation.
Assuming that you decide to go ahead and try and get your ex boyfriend back, you then need to make contact with him. Call him and ask if you can meet up with him somewhere neutral. Don't let it sound as though you are going to drop anything too heavy on him because you don't want to frighten him off at this point.
To win ex boyfriend back make sure that when you meet him, you explain to him that you have thought long and hard about what happened in your relationship. You have done some work and sorted yourself out and you have found that you still have really strong feelings for him. Tell him you'd like another chance.
Give him the space to explain how he feels and what he wants. Don't get emotional or angry if you don't hear what you want to hear. If you need to give him time to think things over, then do that. Don't rush him, just leave and wait for him to call you. With any luck, you'll get the call you want and you'll be back together.
So you've just heard through friends that your ex boyfriend, who you've never really got over, is dating someone else and hearing it cuts deep. Your first thought is that you must win ex boyfriend back before he gets too serious with this other girl.
Well take it easy and don't go rushing head long into this, what you have on your side that the current girlfriend does not have is history! In your effort to win ex boyfriend back remember, history can sometimes over ride everything else and take precedence.
Now think about that history, those good times with your ex boyfriend. How good were they really, because clearly something went terribly wrong. With time we often slide on the old rose colored spectacles. So be sure that your memories are grounded in reality and not fantasy.
If you're not sure, before you go full on trying to win ex boyfriend back, ask a good friend who will tell you the truth and not only what you want to hear. Weigh up what your friend says and what you honestly know and feel and then make your decision about what you want to do.
If what you discover is that certain aspects of your behavior were primarily to blame for the break down in your ex relationship, then you need to find ways of amending that behavior. There's no point in trying to get back together with your ex if the reason he left you is still staring you both in the face. So deal with what needs to be dealt with on your part before you make any real attempt at reconciliation.
Assuming that you decide to go ahead and try and get your ex boyfriend back, you then need to make contact with him. Call him and ask if you can meet up with him somewhere neutral. Don't let it sound as though you are going to drop anything too heavy on him because you don't want to frighten him off at this point.
To win ex boyfriend back make sure that when you meet him, you explain to him that you have thought long and hard about what happened in your relationship. You have done some work and sorted yourself out and you have found that you still have really strong feelings for him. Tell him you'd like another chance.
Give him the space to explain how he feels and what he wants. Don't get emotional or angry if you don't hear what you want to hear. If you need to give him time to think things over, then do that. Don't rush him, just leave and wait for him to call you. With any luck, you'll get the call you want and you'll be back together.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Starting Over Win Your Love Back
Starting Over Win Your Love Back
Win your love back. It slipped away before you had a chance to realize what was happening. It seems like everything happened so quickly, like a tornado that came out of nowhere and destroyed everything that the two of you had worked so hard at building. The results were devastating. Now you are left walking through the rubble trying to find out if there is anything worth saving. To win your love back is going to be a huge challenge.
To try and win your love back, first look to see if there is anything able to be salvaged. Look through all that remains, take a hard look at everything and see the damage that was done. It could be that the damage due to the break up was too much and there really isn’t anything left to save. Hopefully, this is not the case but, unfortunately, it is true many times.
Also take a critical look at everything and see if trying to win your love back is even something that you want to even try and do. Winning your love back is going to be hard work and you just went through an exhausting time in your life.
Does it make sense to try and put these pieces of the failed romance and/or marriage back together? Will you just be banging your head against the wall? Do they even want to try and work with you or even want to win your love back? Ask yourself these hard questions. It could save you a lot of added and unnecessary grief.
Now, once you have decided that it is worth it to try and win your love back, clean up. Get rid of all the things that cluttered up your life and made it difficult. This is a great chance to go in and take only what was good about your love and leave behind the bad stuff. If there was something that complicated things between the two of you, leave it behind. You really need to focus your energy on building on the more solid foundations of your love.
What was it that made your love special? What were the best things about your love? What was it that made it special and really makes you want to win your love back? Focus on these things and use them as the cornerstone and foundation of winning your love back.
One mistake that many make when they want to rebuild a relationship is that they try and rebuild it exactly the way it was before it started falling apart. The truth is, if it wasn’t strong enough to withstand the storms that came the first time, it won’t be strong the next time. Try to build it better than it was before. Don’t live in the past, build on the good things and leave behind the things that made what you have weak enough to be destroyed. Win your love back and make it stronger than ever before.
Win your love back. It slipped away before you had a chance to realize what was happening. It seems like everything happened so quickly, like a tornado that came out of nowhere and destroyed everything that the two of you had worked so hard at building. The results were devastating. Now you are left walking through the rubble trying to find out if there is anything worth saving. To win your love back is going to be a huge challenge.
To try and win your love back, first look to see if there is anything able to be salvaged. Look through all that remains, take a hard look at everything and see the damage that was done. It could be that the damage due to the break up was too much and there really isn’t anything left to save. Hopefully, this is not the case but, unfortunately, it is true many times.
Also take a critical look at everything and see if trying to win your love back is even something that you want to even try and do. Winning your love back is going to be hard work and you just went through an exhausting time in your life.
Does it make sense to try and put these pieces of the failed romance and/or marriage back together? Will you just be banging your head against the wall? Do they even want to try and work with you or even want to win your love back? Ask yourself these hard questions. It could save you a lot of added and unnecessary grief.
Now, once you have decided that it is worth it to try and win your love back, clean up. Get rid of all the things that cluttered up your life and made it difficult. This is a great chance to go in and take only what was good about your love and leave behind the bad stuff. If there was something that complicated things between the two of you, leave it behind. You really need to focus your energy on building on the more solid foundations of your love.
What was it that made your love special? What were the best things about your love? What was it that made it special and really makes you want to win your love back? Focus on these things and use them as the cornerstone and foundation of winning your love back.
One mistake that many make when they want to rebuild a relationship is that they try and rebuild it exactly the way it was before it started falling apart. The truth is, if it wasn’t strong enough to withstand the storms that came the first time, it won’t be strong the next time. Try to build it better than it was before. Don’t live in the past, build on the good things and leave behind the things that made what you have weak enough to be destroyed. Win your love back and make it stronger than ever before.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
How To Win Your Ex Back Using Simple Reverse Psychology
Figuring out how to win your ex back using reverse psychology might sound complicated, but it really isn't. All it means is using some straightforward methods that are designed to get your ex to sit up and take notice of you instead of ignoring you.
Your first step towards how to win your ex back involves you determining to make no contact with them. That means no texting, no calling and definitely no trying to see them. This might seem counter-intuitive to your ultimate goal, but look at it this way: if you stop calling your ex, especially when they've made it clear that they don't want to be contacted, then you appear calm, mature and in control of yourself. Once your ex begins to see you this way you are immediately more appealing than the desperate person you were who was bombarding them with calls.
Furthermore, this simple reverse psychology means that once you have stopped trying to make contact with your ex, then immediately your ex begins to wonder just what you're up to. They start wondering why you're not pursuing them and just like that you're on your spouse's mind and you're in their thoughts, which is just where you want to be.
Your next psychological move when you're trying to figure out how to win your ex back is to get out and about and have some fun. This is going to be another tough undertaking, but it beats staying home night after night on your own struggling to stop yourself from contacting your ex and thinking about them. So force yourself out there and make some new friends or hook up with old friends.
You've stopped calling them and you're out and about enjoying yourself. Once word gets back to your ex, they'll be surprised at how well you're coping. They might even be jealous because it appears, you don't have time for your ex and it's basic human nature to want that which is scarce and that's exactly what you will become. Just like that, you've become someone who is desired and not someone to be avoided.
Taking the steps towards understanding how to win your ex back really means looking after yourself first and foremost. When you concentrate on your own requirements first and foremost, without obsessing about what your ex wants and what you should do to please them, then you inadvertently find yourself using these simple forms of reverse psychology without even realizing it. So you see, it is not a complicated process and you will find that your ex will respond to you in a more open and amenable way.
Figuring out how to win your ex back using reverse psychology might sound complicated, but it really isn't. All it means is using some straightforward methods that are designed to get your ex to sit up and take notice of you instead of ignoring you.
Your first step towards how to win your ex back involves you determining to make no contact with them. That means no texting, no calling and definitely no trying to see them. This might seem counter-intuitive to your ultimate goal, but look at it this way: if you stop calling your ex, especially when they've made it clear that they don't want to be contacted, then you appear calm, mature and in control of yourself. Once your ex begins to see you this way you are immediately more appealing than the desperate person you were who was bombarding them with calls.
Furthermore, this simple reverse psychology means that once you have stopped trying to make contact with your ex, then immediately your ex begins to wonder just what you're up to. They start wondering why you're not pursuing them and just like that you're on your spouse's mind and you're in their thoughts, which is just where you want to be.
Your next psychological move when you're trying to figure out how to win your ex back is to get out and about and have some fun. This is going to be another tough undertaking, but it beats staying home night after night on your own struggling to stop yourself from contacting your ex and thinking about them. So force yourself out there and make some new friends or hook up with old friends.
You've stopped calling them and you're out and about enjoying yourself. Once word gets back to your ex, they'll be surprised at how well you're coping. They might even be jealous because it appears, you don't have time for your ex and it's basic human nature to want that which is scarce and that's exactly what you will become. Just like that, you've become someone who is desired and not someone to be avoided.
Taking the steps towards understanding how to win your ex back really means looking after yourself first and foremost. When you concentrate on your own requirements first and foremost, without obsessing about what your ex wants and what you should do to please them, then you inadvertently find yourself using these simple forms of reverse psychology without even realizing it. So you see, it is not a complicated process and you will find that your ex will respond to you in a more open and amenable way.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Starting Over Win Your Love Back
Starting Over Win Your Love Back
Win your love back. It slipped away before you had a chance to realize what was happening. It seems like everything happened so quickly, like a tornado that came out of nowhere and destroyed everything that the two of you had worked so hard at building. The results were devastating. Now you are left walking through the rubble trying to find out if there is anything worth saving. To win your love back is going to be a huge challenge.
To try and win your love back, first look to see if there is anything able to be salvaged. Look through all that remains, take a hard look at everything and see the damage that was done. It could be that the damage due to the break up was too much and there really isn’t anything left to save. Hopefully, this is not the case but, unfortunately, it is true many times.
Also take a critical look at everything and see if trying to win your love back is even something that you want to even try and do. Winning your love back is going to be hard work and you just went through an exhausting time in your life.
Does it make sense to try and put these pieces of the failed romance and/or marriage back together? Will you just be banging your head against the wall? Do they even want to try and work with you or even want to win your love back? Ask yourself these hard questions. It could save you a lot of added and unnecessary grief.
Now, once you have decided that it is worth it to try and win your love back, clean up. Get rid of all the things that cluttered up your life and made it difficult. This is a great chance to go in and take only what was good about your love and leave behind the bad stuff. If there was something that complicated things between the two of you, leave it behind. You really need to focus your energy on building on the more solid foundations of your love.
What was it that made your love special? What were the best things about your love? What was it that made it special and really makes you want to win your love back? Focus on these things and use them as the cornerstone and foundation of winning your love back.
One mistake that many make when they want to rebuild a relationship is that they try and rebuild it exactly the way it was before it started falling apart. The truth is, if it wasn’t strong enough to withstand the storms that came the first time, it won’t be strong the next time. Try to build it better than it was before. Don’t live in the past, build on the good things and leave behind the things that made what you have weak enough to be destroyed. Win your love back and make it stronger than ever before.
Win your love back. It slipped away before you had a chance to realize what was happening. It seems like everything happened so quickly, like a tornado that came out of nowhere and destroyed everything that the two of you had worked so hard at building. The results were devastating. Now you are left walking through the rubble trying to find out if there is anything worth saving. To win your love back is going to be a huge challenge.
To try and win your love back, first look to see if there is anything able to be salvaged. Look through all that remains, take a hard look at everything and see the damage that was done. It could be that the damage due to the break up was too much and there really isn’t anything left to save. Hopefully, this is not the case but, unfortunately, it is true many times.
Also take a critical look at everything and see if trying to win your love back is even something that you want to even try and do. Winning your love back is going to be hard work and you just went through an exhausting time in your life.
Does it make sense to try and put these pieces of the failed romance and/or marriage back together? Will you just be banging your head against the wall? Do they even want to try and work with you or even want to win your love back? Ask yourself these hard questions. It could save you a lot of added and unnecessary grief.
Now, once you have decided that it is worth it to try and win your love back, clean up. Get rid of all the things that cluttered up your life and made it difficult. This is a great chance to go in and take only what was good about your love and leave behind the bad stuff. If there was something that complicated things between the two of you, leave it behind. You really need to focus your energy on building on the more solid foundations of your love.
What was it that made your love special? What were the best things about your love? What was it that made it special and really makes you want to win your love back? Focus on these things and use them as the cornerstone and foundation of winning your love back.
One mistake that many make when they want to rebuild a relationship is that they try and rebuild it exactly the way it was before it started falling apart. The truth is, if it wasn’t strong enough to withstand the storms that came the first time, it won’t be strong the next time. Try to build it better than it was before. Don’t live in the past, build on the good things and leave behind the things that made what you have weak enough to be destroyed. Win your love back and make it stronger than ever before.
Monday, February 8, 2010
How To Win Your Love Back And Keep Them
If you're looking around wondering how to win your love back, then you've no doubt found yourself in a situation where you're still in love with your ex, but your ex has walked out of the relationship.
Your first step to win your love back has to be to take some time out and get your head together. It would be a big mistake to try and win back your ex within days of the breakup, particularly if it has been a messy breakup. So make sure that you take some time to sort yourself out.
Your first thought should always be to look after yourself. That means avoiding your ex and making no contact with them at all. It's not going to be easy to go from being in a relationship with your ex to making no contact with your ex, but it is vital that you do. Contacting your ex makes you weak and puts you in a negative and vulnerable position. Particularly if your ex has asked to be left alone. Constantly calling or trying to see your ex means that you become less appealing to them. Exs hate needy and desperate, so back off if you want to win your love back.
Instead, work at sorting yourself out. As you focus on yourself make sure that you're not spending all your time on your own. It is very easy to find that when the love of your life walks out on you that you end up filling that space doing nothing but thinking about them. This is a surefire way to find yourself depressed and low and recovering from depression brings a whole other level of problems that you don't need.
Get out and about and reconnect with your family and friends. Meet new people and make yourself have some fun. Yeah, it's not going to be easy, but if it's the way forward to figuring out how to win your love back, then you have to do it.
As you slowly get back on your feet after the shock of the breakup, you should then begin to think about any role that you might have played in the breakup of the relationship.
It is very easy to blame your ex for everything that has gone wrong, but remember, it takes two to make a relationship and two to break that relationship. So during this time away from your ex as you work on figuring out how to get back with them, make sure that you are honest with yourself and that you claim any part of the breakup that is down to you.
Did you make a mistake that caused the break down of the relationship? If you did, then you need to figure out how you're going to rectify the behavior that led to the mistake and the eventual breakup.
Though some of the outlined steps might seem counter-intuitive, if you're serious about figuring out how to win your love back, they are steps that you must take.
If you're looking around wondering how to win your love back, then you've no doubt found yourself in a situation where you're still in love with your ex, but your ex has walked out of the relationship.
Your first step to win your love back has to be to take some time out and get your head together. It would be a big mistake to try and win back your ex within days of the breakup, particularly if it has been a messy breakup. So make sure that you take some time to sort yourself out.
Your first thought should always be to look after yourself. That means avoiding your ex and making no contact with them at all. It's not going to be easy to go from being in a relationship with your ex to making no contact with your ex, but it is vital that you do. Contacting your ex makes you weak and puts you in a negative and vulnerable position. Particularly if your ex has asked to be left alone. Constantly calling or trying to see your ex means that you become less appealing to them. Exs hate needy and desperate, so back off if you want to win your love back.
Instead, work at sorting yourself out. As you focus on yourself make sure that you're not spending all your time on your own. It is very easy to find that when the love of your life walks out on you that you end up filling that space doing nothing but thinking about them. This is a surefire way to find yourself depressed and low and recovering from depression brings a whole other level of problems that you don't need.
Get out and about and reconnect with your family and friends. Meet new people and make yourself have some fun. Yeah, it's not going to be easy, but if it's the way forward to figuring out how to win your love back, then you have to do it.
As you slowly get back on your feet after the shock of the breakup, you should then begin to think about any role that you might have played in the breakup of the relationship.
It is very easy to blame your ex for everything that has gone wrong, but remember, it takes two to make a relationship and two to break that relationship. So during this time away from your ex as you work on figuring out how to get back with them, make sure that you are honest with yourself and that you claim any part of the breakup that is down to you.
Did you make a mistake that caused the break down of the relationship? If you did, then you need to figure out how you're going to rectify the behavior that led to the mistake and the eventual breakup.
Though some of the outlined steps might seem counter-intuitive, if you're serious about figuring out how to win your love back, they are steps that you must take.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Win Ex Back, Even If You Think, "It's Over For Good."
Win Ex Back, Even If You Think, "It's Over For Good."
You never know what you've got, till it's gone. No truer words have been spoken when it comes to a good relationship. If you had a close, loving relationship with someone who ended up dumping you, you may want to win your ex back. You have invested a great deal of emotional blood, sweat and tears for this relationship and it would be a shame to let it all go to waste without trying save it. Here is how you win ex back.
Before you start, you need to take a deep look at your own feelings. Are you truly, still deeply in love with this person? When the passion burns down to something that is merely comfortable, there has to be more. Comfort is nice, it makes you feel safe. But, great relationships are made of much more than comfort. There has to be a deep loving bond. If you still feel a burning desire of passion for your ex, you have a chance to win your ex back.
Now you must examine their feelings for you. Does your ex share the same feelings? If your relationship suffered ( as so many do) from miss-communication, common goals or just a lack of time spent on keeping your relationship close- then you can win ex back. But, if there is more to your breakup, such as, your ex is no longer in love with you. You should probably move on.
When you discover that there is still a mutual bond of love between you, you can begin to do things that will bring you back together again. For example, look back to when you were both happy, what is different now? Did you gain some weight? Did they let themselves go? Did you both spend more time trying to meet each one anothers needs? Where you more involved in other activities that also made you happier?
It can be a natural progression when a couple falls in love, you start to spend less time with family and friends or outside activities as the relationship demands more from you. As well as, personal appearance can suffer a bit from the security of a loving relationship.
To win your ex back, you need to go back to being the person they fell in love with
Another way to help you win ex back is to use basic human behavior to your advantage. The old saying, "You want what you can't have," carries a lot of power. Accept the breakup, and refrain from calling, sending text messages or going by their house to see them. You will become more desirable to them. You never want to show any kind of desperation.
Being detached from your ex allows you to also focus on what makes you happy. Catch up with friends and family. Peruse other passions that may have gone to the way-side because of your relationship. This will have a positive effect on your over-all personality. Making you more attractive and a great tool for win ex back.
When the opportunity comes to get together with your ex, use this time to reminisce. Use the past to your advantage, if you know that there will be a chance to see your ex, wear an outfit you know they really liked. If you had place you used to visit together, mention that you were there again. You can use the many positive experiences you shared to win ex back.
Make open invitations to your ex to casual events. Let your ex know that a group of friends are going out and you would like them to come, suggest that they bring a date if they feel like it.
Above all, be yourself. You can't win your ex back by being someone you are not. If they still love you, then things will work out. If not, there is not much you can do about that. Just be yourself.
You never know what you've got, till it's gone. No truer words have been spoken when it comes to a good relationship. If you had a close, loving relationship with someone who ended up dumping you, you may want to win your ex back. You have invested a great deal of emotional blood, sweat and tears for this relationship and it would be a shame to let it all go to waste without trying save it. Here is how you win ex back.
Before you start, you need to take a deep look at your own feelings. Are you truly, still deeply in love with this person? When the passion burns down to something that is merely comfortable, there has to be more. Comfort is nice, it makes you feel safe. But, great relationships are made of much more than comfort. There has to be a deep loving bond. If you still feel a burning desire of passion for your ex, you have a chance to win your ex back.
Now you must examine their feelings for you. Does your ex share the same feelings? If your relationship suffered ( as so many do) from miss-communication, common goals or just a lack of time spent on keeping your relationship close- then you can win ex back. But, if there is more to your breakup, such as, your ex is no longer in love with you. You should probably move on.
When you discover that there is still a mutual bond of love between you, you can begin to do things that will bring you back together again. For example, look back to when you were both happy, what is different now? Did you gain some weight? Did they let themselves go? Did you both spend more time trying to meet each one anothers needs? Where you more involved in other activities that also made you happier?
It can be a natural progression when a couple falls in love, you start to spend less time with family and friends or outside activities as the relationship demands more from you. As well as, personal appearance can suffer a bit from the security of a loving relationship.
To win your ex back, you need to go back to being the person they fell in love with
Another way to help you win ex back is to use basic human behavior to your advantage. The old saying, "You want what you can't have," carries a lot of power. Accept the breakup, and refrain from calling, sending text messages or going by their house to see them. You will become more desirable to them. You never want to show any kind of desperation.
Being detached from your ex allows you to also focus on what makes you happy. Catch up with friends and family. Peruse other passions that may have gone to the way-side because of your relationship. This will have a positive effect on your over-all personality. Making you more attractive and a great tool for win ex back.
When the opportunity comes to get together with your ex, use this time to reminisce. Use the past to your advantage, if you know that there will be a chance to see your ex, wear an outfit you know they really liked. If you had place you used to visit together, mention that you were there again. You can use the many positive experiences you shared to win ex back.
Make open invitations to your ex to casual events. Let your ex know that a group of friends are going out and you would like them to come, suggest that they bring a date if they feel like it.
Above all, be yourself. You can't win your ex back by being someone you are not. If they still love you, then things will work out. If not, there is not much you can do about that. Just be yourself.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
4 Great Lessons From Relationships Experts
4 Great Lessons From Relationships Experts
If you’ve read or listened to relationships experts, you know that some of what they say is just common sense. They tell us things we already know, but they’re great at putting it into words and examples that make things easier to understand. The best relationships experts just know how to communicate.
They can take those common sense things and say them in a way that makes you “get it.” Like the concept of what to expect and what to give in a relationship. This is one of the best lessons you can get from relationships experts.
Very often we go along in a relationship and as time goes on we start to take the other person for granted a little bit. We don’t thank them as much, and sometimes we don’t do nice things in return for them quite as much.
It’s not that we don’t want to, but that we simply forget or think there will be time later. After the relationship hit a rocky period and ended and you’ve gotten back together, remember to be thoughtful and kind becomes very important. Relationships experts stress that as a good way to keep a relationship strong.
A second great lesson from the experts is to do what the other person will appreciate. This is another great common sense lesson that’s all too easy to overlook. It applies to anytime during a relationship but after you’ve gotten back together from a break up or other bad patch it’s even more important.
To do what the other person wants doesn’t mean you should never consider yourself. But you should try to do what appeals to them to show them that you care. If it really makes you happy when your boyfriend helps you wash the dishes, then maybe if you helped him with some housework that would make him feel loved, too.
But there may be ways he likes to feel loved that are different. He might be the type of person who likes to hear you say it often, or likes romantic gestures. Even if those things aren’t as important to you, you need to do the things that are special to him.
Sometimes we forget that, or we just assume that everyone responds to the same things. But doing what makes the other person feel most special is easy to do, as long as we remind ourselves to do it.
And a lesson that the experts teach that often goes forgotten is respect. Of course, you respect your boyfriend or girlfriend, but does it always show? This is part of taking them for granted but goes beyond not thanking them or returning loving gestures.
Often, the person we’re closest to gets the brunt our worst days. We might be late for something and keep them waiting, or we might just accidentally be inconsiderate and not apologize enough. Take a lesson from the relationships experts and ask yourself if you treat your partner with the same respect you would treat a parents or co-worker.
You can find other great common sense tips on relationships over at ExBackLove.com where you can read free articles on such things as "Help me save my marriage and "Get my girlfriend back."
If you’ve read or listened to relationships experts, you know that some of what they say is just common sense. They tell us things we already know, but they’re great at putting it into words and examples that make things easier to understand. The best relationships experts just know how to communicate.
They can take those common sense things and say them in a way that makes you “get it.” Like the concept of what to expect and what to give in a relationship. This is one of the best lessons you can get from relationships experts.
Very often we go along in a relationship and as time goes on we start to take the other person for granted a little bit. We don’t thank them as much, and sometimes we don’t do nice things in return for them quite as much.
It’s not that we don’t want to, but that we simply forget or think there will be time later. After the relationship hit a rocky period and ended and you’ve gotten back together, remember to be thoughtful and kind becomes very important. Relationships experts stress that as a good way to keep a relationship strong.
A second great lesson from the experts is to do what the other person will appreciate. This is another great common sense lesson that’s all too easy to overlook. It applies to anytime during a relationship but after you’ve gotten back together from a break up or other bad patch it’s even more important.
To do what the other person wants doesn’t mean you should never consider yourself. But you should try to do what appeals to them to show them that you care. If it really makes you happy when your boyfriend helps you wash the dishes, then maybe if you helped him with some housework that would make him feel loved, too.
But there may be ways he likes to feel loved that are different. He might be the type of person who likes to hear you say it often, or likes romantic gestures. Even if those things aren’t as important to you, you need to do the things that are special to him.
Sometimes we forget that, or we just assume that everyone responds to the same things. But doing what makes the other person feel most special is easy to do, as long as we remind ourselves to do it.
And a lesson that the experts teach that often goes forgotten is respect. Of course, you respect your boyfriend or girlfriend, but does it always show? This is part of taking them for granted but goes beyond not thanking them or returning loving gestures.
Often, the person we’re closest to gets the brunt our worst days. We might be late for something and keep them waiting, or we might just accidentally be inconsiderate and not apologize enough. Take a lesson from the relationships experts and ask yourself if you treat your partner with the same respect you would treat a parents or co-worker.
You can find other great common sense tips on relationships over at ExBackLove.com where you can read free articles on such things as "Help me save my marriage and "Get my girlfriend back."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
